Travelling freely

So it’s one adventure after another for SS and I . Weve had two great trips this week alone !! One was meant as a closure and included a trip back up the coast to safety beach to collect some of my belongings that I left behind when I left my ex. He was kind of surprised when we arrived on the door step unannounced . Clearly he behaved himself and no harsh words were exchanged as SS was there with me and the ex had no  time to prepare excuses this time as to why I couldn’t collect my belongings. So grabbed anything we could fit in the 4wd and then left to begin our holidays in port Macquarie. 

        
   

  

Then after returning home so I could work for two days we headed south west to a place called Wombeyan Caves and escaped reality completely. No phones no internet just us, caves, bloody kangaroos and rain but I loved it . The natural marble caves are millions of years old 

    
    
    
 
Am also excited to say that renovations on the house are going great , lounge room is almost completed  

 
Picked up this great clock this week and my business couldn’t be more on its way . Have a meeting tomorrow with a tech investor company that want to back my business idea and I’m so excited I could burst. 

Being loved is inspiring 

Chat soon xx

  

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In case you want to know 

in case anyone is curious as to what I’m currently up to and how wonderful life is travelling along for me at the moment come on over and see my new blog Sirs gone girl ……. Which I started a few months ago and kept hidden . But he found it anyway . They all ( daughter too) found it but for those who haven’t and would like to catch up on all my big girl adventures since moving home to Sydney again ending my engagement I’d love to see some friendly faces 

https://sirsgonegirl.wordpress.com
And started a new one this week called The ICEcapades for those suffering with addiction problems to the drug that I was addicted to Meth / ice and there families to get information and share stories about their battles with addiction. 

https://theIcecapades.wordpress.com

And for those that did find me “annabanana and cinn” they followed the trail …… Like sniffer dogs ….. Lol

Anyway if you are curious I’ll see you there if not this is adios as I am closing this shortly as it is going to be published  via Amazon . 

Oh one last thing before I go ….. For those wondering –

Congrats Sir on the birth of his first baby . Xx  

Adios , farewell, goodbye 

Chances taken mean no regrets

Thinking about whether taking chances is always worth the risk. Some pay off and you can say yes that or this happened because I took a leap of faith,trusted my gut,whatever words you choose to believe in, but what if they don’t pay off,what if everything goes to shit.

Do you turn it around and say it didn’t work out ,I’m ashamed,I’m embarrassed,my gut was wrong,I should have listened to my head not my heart..yaddah yaddah etc etc. I was stupid to take the chance?

Not even trying is setting you up for failure before you even begin. Then there is the what ifs,and if I’d just…. ??? You can go round in circles really.

I used to be that person…the one that blamed everyone for my bad choices or poor decisions.

“He got me involved with meth”.

“He broke my heart when he left”.

bullshit,bullshit ,bullshit,”.

I picked up that glass pipe and chose to use meth,I broke my own heart by lying to someone I claimed to love. I did it .every poor decision and wrong turn.every piece of pain I caused myself. My choices,my decisions,my bad.my shame to face.

so I no longer see things through meth colored glasses. I own my mistakes and choices,I take chances and if I fuck things up,I’m no longer embarrassed or feel like my pride has been wounded. I’m a big girl and if I can face the shame of addiction then I can face anything whether it is seen as a failure or embarrassing in the eyes of others. I no longer function on the gossip or whispers of what people think of me. If that was the case I wouldn’t have put my addiction or recovery out here for the world to see. I am human,I make mistakes. Fucking huge ones.poor decisions that I pay a debt for daily. But isn’t that what makes us human.

The last year has taught me that i can get through anything and hold my head up knowing that I’m now making choices based on my own happiness and not making my life about anyone but me and what makes me happy as after coming oh so close to loosing it ,it makes you acutely aware of how short and precious it is.

and I’m not going to waste the person I am and know I can be making choices based on what other people think is right or wrong for me.

Yes ….i definitely have my big girl undies on these days. Guess I’m more me than I have been in a very long time and it feels good. ….sorry if that disappoints anyone, but trying to be someone I’m not is more embarrassing than just being myself. I like me. Isn’t that what matters? Or does that just make me arrogant?

chat soon xx

Road trip!!!

We are heading north up the coast tomorrow back to Byron bay as hubby2b has work to do up there and I’m taking my son surfing up there.
really should be packing for it but I feel like I do it so often now I pretty much can do it with my eyes closed. So ill wait till the morning ,just throw a bikini and few other things in a bag and be off on our adventure. Then we get home for a few days and I’m back off again for a few days in port Macquarie before heading down to Sydney alone for a week to spend time with my family and friends and drop my son home. So a busy few weeks coming up but mixed with some of the most beautiful locations on the coast.
cant wait to hit Sydney for some me time .

its good to have time alone occasionally. I’ve learnt to enjoy my own company again after such a long time. Have lots to think about ….


time to decide what that means for me and how I’m going to live moving forward as I’ve done just existing and it never gets you anywhere. Its time for me to now start living and continuing my story awake rather than with trepidation or half asleep. I owe myself more. I need to be living not just breathing and stuck in a holding pattern.

Shopping queen.

Had the day to myself today as hubby2b had to work. Spent the day soaking up the city and realising just what I miss about it. Its filled with smoggy air which I don’t miss completely but it buzz’s 24/7. Construction sites,the train clacking along. Cars and people everywhere. In comparison to our sleepy little town by the sea side this city is alive and I miss it …..i miss it alot. I have lots of memories here. Nights out dancing with my girlfriend till all hours. Business meetings when I was working at the bank as a manager,taking my babies to the aquarium,going to theatre shows with my grandma and little sister,or shopping at the markets and around the city with those I love.

new memories and beginnings are plenty now with hubby2b up the coast at our house but spending today in the city has made me think that there really will never be a place like home….i miss Sydney and everything to do with it.

I’m catching up with an old friend tonight for a few drinks and dinner which I’m looking forward to but right now its feet up by the pool at the apartment till hubby2b gets home after shopping for my daughters sweet 16th birthday presents at the markets today. I think I might just be in the good books with the things I picked up today for her.

mummy brownie points are always good. Hey pussycat. Xx

The case of the sheet assassin

Yes,I know I know its currently stupid o’clock on the playschool clock. 4.30 am to be precise and I’m lucky enough to be wide awake in time to watch the sun come up again if I wanted to,but the fact of the matter is I don’t!! Plain and simple , I don’t want to be awake. I want to be firmly tucked up tight in bed in the comfort and warmth of my bed linen.

Cocooned in a layer of our bed sheets , quilt with pretty new cover and matching pillows but I sleep with the latest legendary villain, The sheet assassin.

That’s right people ,hubby to be assassinates our bed like he is fighting off Rambo each and every night.Some mornings ( and that’s if I make it through till sunlight mind you) I end up with so much of the blankets and sheets piled on top of me as he has gotten hot during the night and kicked them off himself onto my side of the bed that I wake in a puddle of sweat unable to breathe,and then other days he has played rock and roll wrestling in his sleep and gotten himself and me along with it tangled so tightly in the sheets that when he yanks on them during the night I get flung out of bed like a ninja doing a mid air jujitsu move landing firmly on the floor or then we have option three which consists of me being left huddled up against him because he has wrapped himself so tightly in the sheets that I’ve been left with nothing but air and a deep seeded need to never want to make the bed again.

each night when I lay down to go to sleep I wonder at what time of the night will I be woken,will I get a good night sleep and how he will cope the next morning with one grumpy me if woken. I don’t “do” mornings without coffee as it is ,so you can begin to imagine what a delight my fine self is at this ridiculous hour of the morning,yep you guessed it .one little fucking ray of sunshine. And him oh ,he’s fast asleep again next to me. I’ve gotten up ,made coffee and come back to bed to try and reassemble the remnants of the what I can only assume was a man versus wild bear grills type scenario playing in his dreams,as the bed now looks like a half chewed deer carcass and he is snoring like a grisly bear oblivious to the shit storm cranky bitch he is going to wake up next to yet again,as I’m the one that will have to try to make the bed with what’s left of the assassinated sheets when he gets up and heads off to work for a few hours before we fly to Sydney this afternoon……and he wonders why I’m asleep at 8pm most nights….. News flash !!

chat soon…….well as soon as I’m not so grumpy and a little more on the awake side of life. Wish him luck……..he’s gonna need it as he’s about to get a lesson on how to make a bed each morning. I just quit that job lol!!!!

 

Spoilt rotten.

I am feeling a little spoilt this week. Hubby to be read my blog about how much I love my shoes and how addicted I am to them. 

I’ve spent all week cleaning and wiping everything down , like the insides of cupboards as because it is so hot and humid here if you don’t things start to go mouldy and fast. Including my beautiful shoes. 

He sent me a message yesterday when  I was on the way home from grocery shopping after finishing work asking if I was still in town. 

” use my card baby and buy yourself a treat”. He said. 

I thanked him for the thought but said as we had just purchased a new home computer I thought I’d had too much of a treat already and was half way home anyway which is 40 mins drive down the highway from the big shopping centre. 

When he arrived home from work an hour after me he said he had a surprise for me. And there before me was enough clear shoe boxes to put all my shoes in seperately , to preserve them, as he knows how much I love them and want to take care to keep them perfect as some have sentimental value. 

I feel very spoilt . The fact that I had worked hard all week and had been sensible in being happy without a treat  made him happy. Material things aren’t important these days but taking care of the ones I have already is, along with being greatful for the little things. Thank you for showing me you pay attention to what is important to me and for appreciating that I now make good decisions hubby to be. Xx

Angel on my left and a devil on my right

I think sometimes my worst critic is myself. I know when I’m not doing the right things but I do them anyway and then beat myself up for doing them when it all turns to a big pile of self sabotaging shit.

” why did you do that you idiot”?

” did you think the outcome was going to be different this time around”?

” but ,but but but”…… Etc etc

if the devil on my right would just shut her mouth without filter from the brain the angel on my left might have gotten a chance in the first place to give me the talkin to that should happen before I put my foot in my mouth in the first place.

” if you can’t tell your friends and family about it honestly,do you really think you should be doing this”?

” if you need to keep it a secret and lie then you really shouldn’t be doing it ,should you”?

listening to my sane,sober,drug free angel would have saved me two years of my life that i will never get back. And don’t get me wrong I had one hell of a time living,partying and meeting some of the worst and most disgusting human beings but also some of the kindest people on this planet.

I found out through my addiction who really cared about me and who were fair-weather friends.

and if I didn’t listen to that devil whispering in my ear to just try it and see I would never have become the strong,resilient and determined woman I now am. I would not have proved to myself that you can fight your way back to happiness from the darkest of days,that I am far more determined and have a greater strength than I ever thought I did or that I needed to love myself a hell of a lot more than I was if i was ever going to attract someone that could see my worth and value me for who I was.

I also learnt what it is like to be at your rock bottom,what loosing everything meant and how much people ,myself included value things that really don’t matter like appearance and material possessions. I’m a better person for it

I now value relationships more,feelings and being greatful more,things that cost absolutely nothing but are priceless.

hugs,a kiss,the sun,a rainbow….. A smile or a kind word mean more than a fast car or a new dress does these days and i have the devil on my shoulder who pushed me into it all and the angel who pulled me back out to thank for that.

things really do happen for a reason i guess…..

chat soon xxx

Dear future husband

Here’s a few things you need to know

– I’m a handful,moody at times,up and down I swing like a pair of hookers undies

– I like shoes ,in fact I have a deep obsession with them,i now own many many pairs. Heels mostly, tall,break your ankle types…… It’s a recent addiction

– lingerie mmmmm my favorite thing …. Nothing is nicer than walking down the street and knowing that i have sexy underwear under my clothing and no one else knows. I come bearing drawers of lingerie…..deal with it.

– I cry,unashamedly…. It’s my release,if i need to i will. I know you will comfort me.

– No we are not culling the amount of clothing i own. It’s my thing. Like your car is your thing. I may resort to drastic measures if i find something missing and i know every piece i own as i searched all the little ops shops for hours to find them while we travelled for your work…..so back away from the closet or your chocolates get it.

– i like flowers. When you pick them from our garden and arrange them i like it best.

– i have an addictive personality and become addicted to things as easily as i became addicted to you. Dont try to change it. I got this. Promise.

– i say fuck …..alot……also deal with it.

– i can talk the ear off anyone . And there will be times you’ll want me to shut up. I wont. I argue,i talk back and i have a tendency to defend myself. Old habits die hard

– i dont like to be told i can’t do something,ill prove you wrong everytime,it makes the fire inside me burn brighter

– i sing like no one is listening( and really shouldn’t) ,dance like I’m 20 and a size 6 and love like I’ve never had my heart broken, and ill never apologize for any of it.

– I’ve been there,done that,you know it all and i will love you hunni like you have never been loved before.

oh i also dont have a filter between brain and my mouth so things just fall out of my mouth before i think. But I’m sure ill get my ass spanked at some stage for that…… And maybe just maybe ill love it …. Lol

I’m not dumb,treat me like i am and ill shut down like a 3 year old having a tantrum at the shopping mall. I like to use my brain ,inspire me,challenge me,teach me

and NO,i dont function at all till ive had coffee in the morning. Until then i will not be anything but a little fucking ray of sunshine……

 

Three’s a …….party….

We have found a flatmate and I’m so excited!!! I finally have some company when hubby to be is away on business and will feel a lot safer with someone else around.

and ill finally have someone else to talk to besides Sir and the kangaroos in our yard.

I don’t know how living with two males will go but I guess I’m about to find out.

anyway I’m looking forward to the new housemate moving in on Friday.

its been a big week here. I worked in the boutique all week although it was very quite due to the storms and have tomorrow off to relax. Today Hubby to be and I went for a drive out in the country and came across this.

Remnants from all the rain due to the cyclone up north. It’s still raining here now and most of the beach is inundated with water due to really rough seas and high tides.



nothing in comparison to the guys up north. Sending best wishes to all caught up in the cyclone and flooding that followed.

chat soon xx