Life really never is that easy is it?
I have been one to self sabotage,the fuck up,the mistake maker,chooser of poor decisions.
I have finally grown up a little and although I’m no angel nor anything close to being ,I am now after many months of self truth and getting to know myself again honestly able to make decisions that show a depth of strength and maturity.. That will help me to become what I need to feel more complete in myself.
I’ve made the brave decision to go home to Sydney to work and go back to my career in banking which before I started my love affair with meth ,I was very good at. I’ve made this decision based on what I need to feel stimulated and challenged. Truthfully I was going bat shit crazy in the boutique and working from home doing my jewellery. I will not stop my business as I can always do that at my own pace but I need to use my brain more than i have been as I get bored very easily if I am not growing and learning. I need more challenges and to get back into the swing as a contributing member of society which I checked out of a few years back.
The opportunity back into the banking sector has arisen and I feel like I am now better placed to cope with that both mentally and emotionally.
As far as anything else in my life is going ,I am healthy,fit and ready to take on lifes challenges and hard work head on again which i was not at all ready for before. I will be close to my children who need their mum more so than ever at the moment and that is as far as the discussion needs to go at this stage.
I’m doing what I need to for myself right now and hopefully this decision will be the right one to bring further positive changes for those around me in the future as I was able to finally recognize for myself that I was quickly becoming isolated,lonely and bored which usually ends up with me back in the former cycle of destroying all things good in my life. Something had to give to bring about a change.
you may have noticed I’ve been a little quieter than usual but i felt these were choices I needed to make alone.
although I dont need to explain these choices to anyone but the people it concerned I want you to know I am not giving up on recovery or happiness, just taking the next step on this journey in my life and it was a very tough choice to make but one that has so far been supported by those around me.
chat soon xxx