They say that people come into your life for one of two reasons : they are either a lesson or a blessing . I think that is a load of crap personally . I think all lessons are blessings in life both good and bad. Don’t get me wrong I used to feel differently about that but going on the journey of recovery has opened my mind and my heart up to all new ways of thinking about all kinds of things.
Learning to love and nurture yourself is the only place to start. No one else can save you from yourself but you!!!
Nor can you expect to really love anyone else the way they deserve if you can not love yourself. I hated myself therefore I never loved those who deserved it instead giving my affection and attention to those that did not love me back nor ever could. Lesson learnt !
In life there are those who love you no matter what you do to them like family and there are those who will never love you no matter what you do . And that is not something that you should waste time on which ticks past too quickly worrying about. Spend that time giving to those that love you no matter what or loving and nurturing yourself and your own spirit is far more important .
Cactus used to always say that in life you can only trust and rely on yourself . You are all you have and I used to argue the point till I was blue in the face . Yes when we are born we come into this world alone and when we exit it is also alone but that does not mean we cant trust others to share the journey of our life , that does not mean when we are at our lowest we should be there all alone . The lesson I learnt climbing out of the hell my life had become on meth was that yes you and only you have to want to really get off the drug and dig yourself out of the mess that only you alone created but it is far more brave to admit you have a problem and face it surrounded by those who love you no matter what , it shows far greater strength and dignity to own your problem rather than keeping it to yourself and I am far more proud of myself for being vocal about my addiction, my mental state, my highs and lows on my journey of recovery than I would have ever been slinking away and never owning up to the mistakes and bad decisions that I made in my life that caused me to get to that point. He was not always right . Lesson learnt !!!
I have always been one to say that it is only after losing everything that you are free to do anything. And that those who know what it feels like to fall are the first to help others . Wrong !!
Lesson learnt . They run as they know what a shit storm is about to take place lol. It is family and those people that you can probably count on one hand as friends and sometimes even complete strangers who give you encouragement, words of wisdom and cheer you on like your own private pom pom toting , leg kicking team and be thankful and greatful for that every second of the journey. Lesson learnt.
Maybe just maybe you are inspiring someone else whose story you don’t know to get on with living and you are a lesson to them too which can only be counted as a blessing I think and always try to remain humble as it doesn’t matter what you have in life how big your car or house is but how you loved and were loved in return that matters as we all get buried in the same size box . I hope my recovery helps even just one person as then being brave and speaking out no matter how shameful is worth it.
I wanted to finally share with you some of the blessings I’ve had in my life that I love with all my heart. My beautiful Sir and three amazing children whom life is not worth living without as my ex C is about to discover as he will soon become a father himself . Congratulations C, get back to me when you hold your child for the very first time and discover we are not all we have .