If you are going… JUST GO

I’ve been talking to Sir again over the last week or so and it has been nice to actually speak to him without words of anger or spite like usual.
He contacted me again when he read my blog about getting the job and has tended to comment on the occasional one if I’m doing something he doesn’t agree with. Or on this occasion I did good.
After sending me photos of himself last week and me not responding straight away as I was working he sent a message saying he would not bother sending anymore. Odd??
After letting him know that I hadn’t replied quickly due to being busy with my job he then sent me further pictures while on holidays with his girlfriend . Even stranger right?? It hurt but I said nothing.
I just sucked it up as it has been nice to have this contact and even when I questioned why he was still contacting me while away with her he was civil and simply said he worries about me.
When I changed a profile picture recently to the application we use to speak on ( see below)

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He got very funny and made some comment about me having a guy in the picture with me .
I explained that he was seeing things as it was my skirt but he was insistent saying things like ” good one ” & ” I guess “. You see the profile picture only shows part of the picture and he assumed my tule tutu skirt was the pecs and chest hair of a man in the photo and until I sent him another picture from when I had the dress on and he could see did he stop with the sarcasm. Why does it bother him ? I explained that I am not interested nor do I have time for any man at the moment . And he knows I am still very much in love with him.
So he then asks why I still take all the silly selfie photos of myself.
Because if I didn’t I’d simply have no photos of myself at all, I explained . He never took photos when we were together.
I questioned why he took them of himself and when he woke this morning on the other side of the world ( and obviously on the wrong side of the bed), I was sent some bullshit about how he takes them to send to people and his few in comparison to mine were not comparative .
I instantly thought WTF, but bit my tongue and asked why it was such a concern to him that I took photos of myself? Why does he have such a problem when it doesn’t hurt anyone and I’m not posting them everywhere.
I got the expected snap back. Fine no concern as usual and so I pushed it as I don’t think he has any right to ask me such a question when it really isn’t any concern of his anymore and what does it matter as long as I sleep good at night knowing I’ve hurt no one by doing so I see no problem with it at all.
I’m not taking them with anything but my phone . I’m not sending thousands to anyone and they are not compromising nor naked shots.
And why it is of any concern to him when he should be concentrating on his amazing new girlfriend he brags about I find it all very confusing.??? Does anyone feel confused by this???
He obviously then read my last blog in which I said i was not going to take his advice about buying the business with family. As he then came back and said he would no longer be contacting me as I no longer needed him .i was making my own decisions and he was saying goodbye.and he promptly without giving me a chance to say anything disconnected once again. This game is getting tiresome.
All I can say is if you are going to keep saying you are going then GO . Don’t come back don’t keep reading my blog just go and be done with it as if you can be so fine with walking away so easily from me you obviously do not care at all and as far as love goes ha ha what a joke . I’m not fine . I’m not over us and yes at times I have needed you but you didn’t care enough to come , you got more enjoyment out of poking and prodding at my fragility to try to make me fall apart and fail. so GO AND DONT FUCKING COME BACK. Coz I’m going to prove you wrong every fucking day if it’s the last thing I do.!!!!!!
I am allowed to assert my opinion and question things, I am a big enough girl to make my own decisions which is what you wanted all along and now that I am able to take care of myself you don’t like not having that control. Tough shit Sir as that was your choice. I would drop everything to run back to you anytime you called but not now. I’m doing just great and have done all that I promised I would and more . I’ve been clean 5 months . I did that for me not you. I did all this alone . You left when I needed you the most, more than I’ve ever needed anyone and I still survived . So GO … It makes no difference to me as you were never ever mine anyway Sir and you have been gone all along.
Keep your promise for once like I have and mean what you say
I no longer need your affection nor the attention of any man to feel good about myself . I am enough just being me and your approval is not needed. This is about you and your own insecurities and has nothing to do with me or the reasons you keep trying to fuck with my head after continuing to say you are never coming back. Then saying that I should never be lonely as you will always be here watching over me when I told you how lonely and alone I am feeling even though I’m surrounded by people . You promised you would always be there and I should never feel lonely. Promise broken Sir . can’t even do that for me. So don’t . let me get on with actually living my life for myself and not for you anymore as I’m doing a pretty damn good job so far without you and I’m sick of you making promises you don’t keep and I’m tired of you pretending you have moved on because if you didn’t still care you would have gone a long time ago.
I don’t know you anymore and you certainly don’t know me like you claim to or you would never have have said the things you did today when you know it will just derail my progress . You are what is sabotaging my life now and it’s time you either man up or get the hell out of my amazing new life. As just like meth….. I don’t need you anymore Sir.

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3 thoughts on “If you are going… JUST GO

  1. Please cut the toxic ties to this man. This is neither love nor concern he exhibits. Answer no more texts. Block his number and moderate your blog so he can’t post to you. Get free of his taunting. He is sick to be doing this and if his new girlfriend knew the extent he was interacting with you, she’d be an idiot to stay with him.

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  2. I’m proud of you for your strength. What you describe is a mirror image of experiences I have and continue to have from time to time. In my case, he is blocked from texting me, he doesn’t know about the blog, but he can email me. When he’s polite, I’ve responded…. when he is rude, I’m pure honey and wish him well….when he is demanding I ignore. Its hard as hell, but you are being strong, brave and kicking ass in rebuilding your life. Way to go!

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