Today though not feeling spectacular after another trip back to the doctors after my hands have become inflamed again and an appointment with a specialist booked for next week as the doctor now thinks I may have some form of auto immune disease such as lupus which runs in my family history and the resurfacing has been caused by getting myself worked up and stressed I’ve decided to spend more time concentrating on the good and positive things that are already in my life and stop dwelling on the coulda, shoulda, woulda’s of the past.
I have so much in my life to be thankful for like my beautiful children and the renewed relationship that I now have with them especially my daughter who at 13 and hitting puberty two years ago didn’t need her mummy losing herself at the end of a crack pipe but thankfully my amazing little sister stepped up for her when I couldn’t be all she needed. And for that I am thankful till the day I die.
I am thankful that I truly am loved unconditionally by them still and that I still have time with them in the future even though I lost important time with them.
I am thankful for my other family members who have stepped up knowing nothing of my addiction until I got real with everyone and was able to stop hiding behind lies. My parents are the most amazing human beings I know . They have loved me and supported me both financially and emotionally while I struggled to beat my addiction and there support has never waived nor have they judged me.
I was lucky that they opened their home to me once more for as long as I need and have given me a place that is comforting and healthy and allows me the space I need as an adult to breathe. I am so thankful for this as rehab would have just allowed me to meet more addicts and more dealers.
I am thankful that I have the support of my doctor, specialists and loving friends who checked up on me sometimes daily to make sure I’m okay.
I’m thankful that I started this blog and have been able to get some of the thoughts and feelings and my memories out of my head as it has been a kind of therapy that I needed and although I do not write every minute detail of my life here as something’s need to remain private I am thankful to all who have followed my journey and made comments that have encouraged me and supported my ups and many downs over the last few months.
I am thankful that I have left my old habits and the people associated with it behind and been able to find parts of myself that were lost in my drug induced haze .
I am thankful that meth no longer consumes my day , my life, my body or my mind and I’ve been able to start sleeping , eating and exercising like I used to
I’m thankful for all the amazing new people and opportunities that I have met or had over the last few months because I changed myself and I’m thankful that as long as I stay on this path I’ll have many more opportunities like those ahead because really although I hit rock bottom and have nothing Material to show for my life I am the richest person on earth to not be just another dead junkie right ?
And for that God am I thankful to be alive as money no matter how much you make can not buy that . Xx